well its tuesday night and i have been back at school for two days, i am a senior in highschool if you didnt know, and school has been rather eventfull, actually it has been pretty calm and peacefull around the halls. this is strange i say calm and peacefull because it is actually packed with kids, but the peacfullness im feeling i do not think comes from the school itself it is an inner peace. i think this feeling is from a realization that i am in highschool.....fucking highschool, where confused adolescents run around in herds of delusional energy. what are they all running...moving...doing all of this for? a strange phantom is at the control center in their brains, and their body is this phantom's lacky...a slave to whatever strange ideas have past for fact in their minds....in fact this phantom is the mind itself, or an illusion disguised as their 'minds'. that is, the mind that people think lies behind there eyes somewhere in the skull. okkkk...... that was way fucking dragged on.
heres my goddamned life as it is. first day back to school, feeling good! everybody with high energy from being seperated from the whole 'thing' for a while and anxious to be back into things. i dont know if that was the circumstance for my good day or if it was very high energy state. went to bowmaking class first and bullshitted. went to an assembly, before it was opening girls in the foyer and making good progress. went to the auditorium had some high energy discussions. left the foyer to 3rd period. went to lunch with chrissy. tryed talking to girl i sexed at the new years party, she just ignored me, but luckily my high energy stayed high..actually got a power boost, maybe from courage..yeah haha. went to the foyer and talked to some more girls and went to lunch with chrissy. new class! lots of cute girls! very fun flirting with them. umm watched some fencing, played hackey sack, went and drank sangria an some weed, went back to class. school got over an i went to hang out with codi an derrick......oh yeah story over.....fucking lame. next day i will say only some specifics. school. go to lunch with sophi it was fine.....you know what i dont even feel like writing this becuase although i had a good day, nothing really happened. conclusion...I NEED TO MAKE SHIT HAPPEN FUCKING MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!!! i need ENERGY CONFIDENCE TALKABILITY an i dont give a fuck attitude, no social inhibitions, when i speek to people i need to make them remember it, only talk to them if they are important in your present moment experience, dont try to make small talk with people make BIG talk, or turn that BIG energy into a small intense energy when you want to completely focus in on something your doing. you just need to live with open eyes and your unconscious mind will do whatever it can to make your TRUE intent come true, with razor sharp focus. get into the now and do things that you really want to when you really want to and make no exeptions.being not doing fools. orry if i dissapoint with my strange rather confused mind, it presently sits in lingo, in between what and what i do not know.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
workin all damn day in a thoughtless daze
got up this morning and drank coffee while i worked on a sacred geometry project for a couple hours. learned some pretty damn interesting stuff from this guy charles gilchrist on youtube about the vesica pisces, and the three sacred languages, which happen to be sacred geometry sacred sound and sacred sequence, very very eye opening stuff. i got a bunch of college shit turned in and my college essay got all typed up, so all in all pretty productive. went to work around three and was there until 9!!! lots of work...well actually like NO work, all i do is sit in my chair all day, cause ya see i happen to be a LIFEGUARD duh duh da da. so yeah i was all listening to eckhart tolle on the drive into town and he is always like blowing my mind and cracking me up. so i decided aight im just like gonna be completely present all day, like basically no thinking, just sitting in that chair taking it all in, controlling my breathing, feeling fucking good. so yeah i did that for like six damn hours straight, just felt good without anything to feel good about, because you know what? things dont make you feel good man, feeling good is your default state, i dont need shit to feel good! so yeah just completely went into a trance dilated my vision so i was just staring at nothing in particular brought attention to my whole body and sat completely still forever. i escaped the EGO YAY! when you escape the ego than all the fear that arises with restiance to the moment dissapears and you can see your infinite potential and your social inhibitions and self consciousness just fuckin vanish man, no joke. my friends came by and i stayed in my self generated feelin good state, and dude i usually sit at my chair and noone talks to me, but in this state (the state of complete nonjudgement) people were just straight up drawn to me like a magnet, couldnt get them to leave me alone haha. than i came home ate a big bowl of chili and HERE I AM! haha time to sleep.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
my first blog post! NEW YEARS EVE
i want to use this blog here to write shit down! shit that i need to remember and analyze and all that bullshit, but basically its just me writing about whatever the fuck i want and just developing my writing style and thinking style. so basically ive been wanting to make a blog for a very long time and finally got around to it. ill start this bitch off by discussing my night last night. i recently finished watching the 4 DAY! seminar the blueprint decoded made by tyler durden (who by the way is now like my fucking hero), and before all that ive been studying pick up or whatever you want to call it for about 6 months, along with self development for like ionno years...on some level. i been studying like a MADMAN, david deangelo, carlos xuma, tyler durden, all the stuff from love systems, mystery method, and other various tidbits of information i could get my hands on. since for the last couple of years ive been studying so hard, all of this wisdom is finally beginning to peice itself together, and i notice fundamental concepts that flkow from ALL of them. these fundamental concepts stem from basically two things which are ego and presence, ego being the glasses that everybody sees the world through, their outlooks, and there concepts of reality. presence relates to us taking those glasses off and realizing that everyone else is wearing them without even noticing it, with our glasses off we can now see the eyes that hide behind everyones shades. well anywaaaayyys.....last night was the first night i was able to go out and fully utilize my understanding of all these concepts without even thinking about it...becuase well, not thinking about it is the KEY. OK so onto the story analyses.
i started the night uncertain that i was even going to do anything, but than my freind texted me saying he was having a party at his house so i heading into town and met up with him and my other bro. we went cruising around after that, smoked a bowl and had some good high energy conversations about women. i called my buyer and we went to the liquer store to get a bottle of jim beam (for me!) an vodka for my friend. we went and dropped off the bottle to two fine girls, i gave it to them and i talked for a few minutes raising the attraction level of both of them and told them to come to the party(but they never ended up doing that). we picked up my friends gf and we headed to the house. at the house the hosts sister was also throwing a party for her college friends so we chatted it up with them to kinda pregame or whatever, some good looking girls were there. we collected up all of the alcohol and headed to the garage where we would have our party. i was feeling really goooood and poured myself a glass of jim beam with ice and played a game of pool with the first guests and we just bullshitted. at this point other people start arriving, and i walk over and opened myself to two dancers i had not met, and a bunch of dancers i did know. basically of of them were cute. i just stayed in state and my energy level continued to climb as i continued to enjoy myself, i was in the mood where nothing can fuck with you. i was just like cracking people up and having converstaions with anybody i wanted, being completely unstifled comfortable and relaxed and confident. i had that fuckin energy flowing off of me and it was completely self generated and independent of outcome or other people. just total control and in the moment shit. ok so thats the frame, now all this awesome stuff just starts happening, and im in that state where i can like handle anything no problem when it comes along. so this girl, tessa, i had just met earlier(shes fuckin cute may i add) comes up and starts clinging on me, and than all of the sudden boom! shes making out with me, haha basically with no work at all from me. well actually now that i think back i totally opened her and moved to strong attraction by just locking eye contact when i went by and saying stuff to her(magic words) that came out of NOWHERE! people are all like trippin about it but im just all cool and not even fuckin listening to them. i keep walking away from her becuase the people freaking out, but subtly letting her know that i really want her just through pure intent and having a strong reality. and shell like follow me and kiss me again hahaha. than i go into the bathroom and one of the other dancers starts saying all this sexual shit to me like i know she wants me right now, but theres all of these other hotter girls their so i was not making any promises to her and i told her maybe later. went out and lit off some mortars in the drive way to celebrate the new year! haha this kid had a mortar blow up in his hands and burnt him pretty bad. i went up and gamed on some college girls and they were all swoonin over me. when i went back to the party i started talking to celina who is like a 10 in my book and opened her and in like no time flat she was grabbing my arm and holding onto me, i think i may have tried to close but i was pretty drunk at this point. i was the lord! of that party, this one guy liked me and wanted to impart some wisdom on me, so he made me hit a bunch of times with a broom stick. than after they all left, that one dancer who i was talking to earlier starts telling me to come get in the hottub with her, so im fucking dragged and pushed to do that by fucking her and pat, but she gets in and i dont ever get in with her hahaha, but keep coming out and being like be right back be right back, because she really wasnt that much of a priority (because i was not goal seeking at all) and than i told her to get out and come in the bedroom with me where she proceeded to blow me and than i fucked her, haha but i got soft while i was fucking her becuase i was to drunk and she got all pissed hahaha. hmmm...than all those bitches were getting naked and walking around, or maybe naked hottubbing. than pats sister walked in and saw that and flipped shit, it was hilarious! everybody left after that and somehow i stayed up until like 7 in the morning just chilling with pat and tom, went and got codi at like 4 drunk as fuck and brought him over, and than my friend accidentaly hit me in the face, so he told me i could punch him so i fucking right hooked him in the eye and made it bleeeed haha. than we killed the bottle and smoked weed until 7 when i drove home and slept.
FUCKING GREEEEAT NIGHT ME BUCKOS!
i started the night uncertain that i was even going to do anything, but than my freind texted me saying he was having a party at his house so i heading into town and met up with him and my other bro. we went cruising around after that, smoked a bowl and had some good high energy conversations about women. i called my buyer and we went to the liquer store to get a bottle of jim beam (for me!) an vodka for my friend. we went and dropped off the bottle to two fine girls, i gave it to them and i talked for a few minutes raising the attraction level of both of them and told them to come to the party(but they never ended up doing that). we picked up my friends gf and we headed to the house. at the house the hosts sister was also throwing a party for her college friends so we chatted it up with them to kinda pregame or whatever, some good looking girls were there. we collected up all of the alcohol and headed to the garage where we would have our party. i was feeling really goooood and poured myself a glass of jim beam with ice and played a game of pool with the first guests and we just bullshitted. at this point other people start arriving, and i walk over and opened myself to two dancers i had not met, and a bunch of dancers i did know. basically of of them were cute. i just stayed in state and my energy level continued to climb as i continued to enjoy myself, i was in the mood where nothing can fuck with you. i was just like cracking people up and having converstaions with anybody i wanted, being completely unstifled comfortable and relaxed and confident. i had that fuckin energy flowing off of me and it was completely self generated and independent of outcome or other people. just total control and in the moment shit. ok so thats the frame, now all this awesome stuff just starts happening, and im in that state where i can like handle anything no problem when it comes along. so this girl, tessa, i had just met earlier(shes fuckin cute may i add) comes up and starts clinging on me, and than all of the sudden boom! shes making out with me, haha basically with no work at all from me. well actually now that i think back i totally opened her and moved to strong attraction by just locking eye contact when i went by and saying stuff to her(magic words) that came out of NOWHERE! people are all like trippin about it but im just all cool and not even fuckin listening to them. i keep walking away from her becuase the people freaking out, but subtly letting her know that i really want her just through pure intent and having a strong reality. and shell like follow me and kiss me again hahaha. than i go into the bathroom and one of the other dancers starts saying all this sexual shit to me like i know she wants me right now, but theres all of these other hotter girls their so i was not making any promises to her and i told her maybe later. went out and lit off some mortars in the drive way to celebrate the new year! haha this kid had a mortar blow up in his hands and burnt him pretty bad. i went up and gamed on some college girls and they were all swoonin over me. when i went back to the party i started talking to celina who is like a 10 in my book and opened her and in like no time flat she was grabbing my arm and holding onto me, i think i may have tried to close but i was pretty drunk at this point. i was the lord! of that party, this one guy liked me and wanted to impart some wisdom on me, so he made me hit a bunch of times with a broom stick. than after they all left, that one dancer who i was talking to earlier starts telling me to come get in the hottub with her, so im fucking dragged and pushed to do that by fucking her and pat, but she gets in and i dont ever get in with her hahaha, but keep coming out and being like be right back be right back, because she really wasnt that much of a priority (because i was not goal seeking at all) and than i told her to get out and come in the bedroom with me where she proceeded to blow me and than i fucked her, haha but i got soft while i was fucking her becuase i was to drunk and she got all pissed hahaha. hmmm...than all those bitches were getting naked and walking around, or maybe naked hottubbing. than pats sister walked in and saw that and flipped shit, it was hilarious! everybody left after that and somehow i stayed up until like 7 in the morning just chilling with pat and tom, went and got codi at like 4 drunk as fuck and brought him over, and than my friend accidentaly hit me in the face, so he told me i could punch him so i fucking right hooked him in the eye and made it bleeeed haha. than we killed the bottle and smoked weed until 7 when i drove home and slept.
FUCKING GREEEEAT NIGHT ME BUCKOS!
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